Does He Exist?

One question that dawned on me for the longest time was, does God exist? This question was asked out of pure curiosity for what we see all around the world: chaos on the television, the trauma from our ancestors’ past, and my own personal psychological troubles. These three factors combined would be the basis for my question to the world, does God exist? 

Growing up in a single mother household, in Chicago, Illinois was an interesting experience for me and my younger brother. We lived our wonderful lives but the same was not for those near or in the inner city. The most we ever saw was what was on television. At one point during our young age it seemed to be more innocent because that's where our mind was at the time. Our routine was to wake up in the morning, check the weather, and then dash off to school. Some mornings we had no school or a late start, so then we watched the news for the rest of the day. Then, one random day, that alludes me so, the news turned, the stories grew more violent, politics became corrupt, our schools were not safe, and nothing seemed to get better. The world was going downhill, and it was only happening on the television, but not for long.

If we do not learn from the past it will haunt our future forever. My ancestors from Huey Newton to Malcolm X gave their lives to fight for what we have today. And the fight still continues. Seeing what happened to them makes it difficult to rise up and organize anything, or, believe in a higher power that would allow such bigotry. Such is the way of life supposedly. To be branded one thing only to be labeled another. What we saw on television seemed so far away yet so close. They show us these documentaries on the slave trade and how Harriet Tubman struggled for her freedom, how Tupac Shakur died for his militant rise from what the Black Panther Party handed him, and now, on the news was utter chaos and disorganization. There seems to be a strange God that allows these events to unfold. How could this happen was the question we started to ask, and it was that question, where all my questions would be answered.

Strange how the temptation to even ask such a question would put me right in the middle of the doors to open all the answers. Even in writing this essay, the reflection helps ease the psychological pain once endured. First off, growing up in a single parent household had its psychological damage on my mind. Everything that came from me was half finished, all my questions were half answered, whenever a problem came around, no solutions were to be found. Split right down the middle was all my troubles in life with my father in and out of my life. Things got done alright, but they had a funny way of being handled and getting done. If only God was there, if only my father helped me more, or if only the small boy with a divided household could hold his own. It was no one's fault but my own, and even then as a small child in that situation what is he to do, one would ask?

Does God exist was the original question asked, and the answer is yes he does. The very fact that we even mentioned him throughout this essay proves this notion. He’s always there watching and observing. He plays a part in this situation we call life and is a very big factor indeed. How did he allow all these seemingly negative actions to take place? Well, they only seem negative if we take them as such. Maybe such circumstances had to happen for better circumstances to arise. Such is the way of God.


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